AIN'T LIFE A BEACH

I sure bitch and complain in here a lot. But if you were to sit and have a conversation with me you’d never know I was a whiney bitch with mental illness. I’d be just like any other person(for the most part). Today I’ve dubbed “Bad Mental Health Day”.

Sometimes I wonder if I make progress at all. Today I’ve had unwanted thoughts of suicide and have not voiced them. I think it’s because I’m thinking that I’m having a bad mental day.

I woke up in this state. Nothing triggered me. I guess the meds can only do so much. I have to put more effort into my self love and compassion. I need to do what my Doctor says. I need to start growing up.

Or maybe I’m just full of shit.

Whatever.

I should do what my Doctor says period. And I think that I don’t. Sometimes I don’t have the energy or the foresight to catch things before they come in. But I am in charge of getting myself better. No one else. There is that little part of my mental illness that is psychosis. That, I have no control over. Thats where the voices come from and the involuntary thoughts. So, I guess I am a little crazy. I’ve only had a few involuntary thoughts today and as I say it they come.

Enough of that. I just wanted to apologize that I bitch a lot, I don’t know how much of a help I am to the mentally ill community besides being to relate.

I have learned a lot through intensive trauma therapy. I’ve learned a lot since I’ve been back to doing CBT and moving at much slower easier pace. My idea for this blog was to share all that and for my mentally ill peeps out there to see there’s help and hope. And all I’ve become is a bitchy, whiney person.

There really is help out there. Theres help and hope here too. I rarely get a message, but feel free to message me and I’ll be sure to message you back. NO HATERS.


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