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All or Nothing

So, I’m a still a little stung at Jean-Vincent who made friends with me on Twitter. I don’t like to direct message, it’s always a play of some sort. At one point I told him I was fat, ugly and old. Immediately he said he was a trainer and could help me.

I thought “Hey, maybe this is real?” So I tread carefully, sent him pics of me back and side and front. He told me to fast only eat broth for breakfast and lunch and to walk a kilometer to start. (He’s from France). I can’t fast because of my meds, I have take them on a full stomach but I could certainly try to walk a kilometer (.6 of a mile). So everyday I’ve been walking not quite making my goal yet but I will. I have too, I opted for Noom and it’s so much better than anything else I’ve tried.

Anyways sting of Jean-Vincent, I never fully trust anyone. I always think they have a play for me or are going to use me like a dog. I hate this feeling, but I’m stuck with it probably forever as much as I would like it to go away. It keeps me kind of safe.

Todd says I like to see the good in people. I like to believe things will be right and people will do the right thing. Why is it the exception? I’ve learned my lesson this time and I blocked him. I don’t miss him, I miss the part of myself that believed I could make a real friend. Now I should not be thinking in the black and white. I have real friends. I have Mary, I have Javier, now I have Dalila. These are people I would trust with my life. So maybe it does equal out and I’m just being all mentally ill about it.

Look at that, I did that without falling down the rabbit hole. But that’s what we do, isn’t it? Go all or nothing. It was nice just then that I found a middle ground. Ok, back to writing…

Sami likes to sit at the table and enjoy the fire with me.

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