Banana's

So the days are going by quickly enough, yet I have plenty of time to be unproductive and depressed. I used to be real good at filling my time with housework and other things, gardening, playing with the kids. But I don’t have a garden now and I don’t have children that are young enough to play with. I hate housework and I only do it when I absolutely have too, But tomorrow I will go on a hike with my kids and Dalila (my daughter in laws mom). That will fill up some of my time and get me some good exercise at the same time. Spending time with my son and daughter in law is precious time.

I’m moving to Florida in 11 months. As soon as Abbie graduates high school, we are on our way. I love it there. The warmth just wraps around you and the water, THE WATER IS WARM!

I will be in heaven just chilling, writing, staying warm paying a third of what we pay now, we’ll be ok.

I stepped on the scale this morning and it set me off for a bad day. I’m trying to make it better. I’m doing a good job so far. But I will never again have my therapy appointments once a month. I lose my tools and my ability to stay even. Like right now I’m afraid to stop writing because i’m not sure what to do next. Whats the next right thing. I guess I could do laundry. That’ll keep me busy for a minute and my bathroom, well yuck, I need to clean it. I’ve had my 3 o’clock coffee, so I suppose I could use that caffeine high to get other things done. I still feel banana’s. But I am banana’s so I guess the is normal.

I can’t write a lot of stuff on here, more personal private PTSD stuff. But just know that I am hell of triggered since my mom left, It’s been a total debacle. I won’t get into it, I just know I’ll be triggered for awhile.

So how to handle that trigger? Deep breathing. Letting go. Its not my responsibility. It’s not my life anymore and hasn’t been in awhile. I have no reason to be triggered. But I am. Oh well. Live with it I guess.


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