So, I’m feeling deeply betrayed as I discovered in my therapy session yesterday. Not because of yesterday and the whole best boyfriend issue, although that has me feeling very sad, but a deeper betrayal that I won’t get into on here, Just know I’m feeling deeply betrayed by the last person in the world I should feel betrayed by. After pouring out my heart and having one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had to have, the boundaries were crossed yet again. My mental illness cannot take this. My brokenness cannot take this. Thank God for Todd and Abbie being here to hold my hand when shit like this happens. It’s hard for me to let my 17 year old hold my hand, but she does it so well. She has learned from her mother. And uses it back on me. Kind of funny.
My sense of betrayal has no humor in it. And there is no stopping it. I’ve tried over and over again and the same thing keeps happening. So I just have to live with it for now. It hurts deeply. Like in those places you hate inside yourself. It’s giving me a bad day. Lets just hope it doesn’t get worse. I’m begging for peace today. I will go through my daily routine, or at least I will try. I just ate two chocolate cheese croissants that my daughter made and they were DELICIOUS. Its gonna throw my calories for the day way off, but you can’t win them all and today i’m not feeling like a winner. I’m feeling a little more like the last one picked. God that sucks.
So tools: Deep belly breathing for 15 minutes with meditation music. Do something nice for myself (i ate the croissants). Keep everything on a continuum. Try to keep my day normal. If I start to get worse, reach out to Todd. If I’m worse than that, reach out to Dr. Lachman.
Okay, exercise time. Gonna crush it.