Today is CATASTROPHIZE day. EVERYTHING looks worse than it is and my RANDOM THOUGHTS are scaring the shit out of me.
I’ve been like this all day, just waiting for the day to end so I can get some peace. Then Dad and Abbie had it out because she doesn’t understand when she is stepping in the shit, So now Abbie is in her room crying without her phone and her tablet, and Todd’s mourning the fact that he lost his temper with her.
And me, I’m just trying to eek by without getting hurt.
The catastrophizing started early this morning. I started to think of all the bad things that could happen on the dog walk. So I put off the dog walk for awhile. Had a second cup of coffee and the dog walk was fine. Except that when a car would pass I would imagine both of us under it. Now that is not normal. That is CATASTROPHIZING.
I feel like I’ve been walking on my own godam egg shells all day. So now I get to walk over Todd and Abbie’s egg shells too.
I guess these kind of days come and i’m supposed to compassionately self-talk my way through them. It’s hard to remember, this self talk shit. You’d think it would be relatively easy, but it’s not. At least not for me and for what I’ve been through. My egg shells are thick and sticky
I stayed alone most of the day on purpose. Did Aerobics twice to try to keep my mind off of it. That didn’t work. Then the whole Todd and Abbie thing happened. I want to go to bed now.
Compassionate self-talk Annie. Compassionate. Self-compassion.
Todd’s making my dinner now, it’s almost 8pm and I go to bed at 9 pm sharp. I’m getting a little nervous that I’m going to have to go past the 9 o’clock thing to digest. Oh, but I don’t want to.
It’s not that today was a bad day. It was a so-so day. But one that I had to work hard through. And we all know that everyday is a day that Annie is trying to work through.