I Want My Life Back

Being Mentally Ill is lonely. Not too many I know out there. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself or I wonder how I got into this mess in the first place. I wasn’t always mentally ill, But some how life caught up with me and all the little things in between and here I am. Do you get better from being mentally ill? I don’t hear voices anymore, so I would say that it’s a good possibility that eventually I can live medication free, That day feels like it will never come some times. I just want to be normal again, By “normal” I mean hold a job, think straight, make good decisions for myself, be able to take care of the finances. I’m so lost in my illness sometimes.

Instead, my husband gets to be my caretaker. What a shitty duty. I’m not that hard to handle I don’t think, but who wants to manage another person when you have your own shit going on? I don’t envy him and I wish it wasn’t so. Truth is I’d be lost without him and that scares the shit out of me. I’ve always relied on myself, managed things, took care of shit, now I’m not allowed to. Weird.

I guess I’m just rambling today. I’m having some feelings so this is my outlet. I’m bored. I’m out of things to do. I could write but I’m too scattered for that right now.

I want my life back