Today I read a line in a book that struck me hard. See, I’m going through this thing where I have to tell a family member a secret so I can get well. But I feel ashamed of myself for doing it, It’s going to cause strife and pain and more guilt, but I’ll be free from it. And my healing is just as important. The line was “ Love is greater than fear”. I also have a mentor who just happens to be my sons wives daughter, my in-law. She read the blog and had a very emotional response to it and when I said there is no forgiving and forgetting, she put her thoughts together and told me back; forgiveness is for me. It’s getting the poison out of myself. Forgiveness is cleansing my soul, my spirit. I absorbed it. Love is greater than fear, I will be self-compassionate. I will make this conversation all about me and let love take the lead. The jury is still out on this forgiveness shit. I’m not sure I can empty myself of that poison yet, But perhaps, someday, I will. Believe you me there is a lot of forgiveness to take place.
BTW, I kicked ass in Aerobics today or I guess I should tell the truth and say Aerobics kicked my ass today. I feel every muscle yelling at me. I almost left, but I stayed!!! Good for me! Maybe next week I’ll stay for the Pilates stretch, just didn’t think I could take any more today.
My Oldest Sons hobby...but it shows how far away from me forgiveness is.