THE STRUGGLE IS REAL PEOPL!

So the days are draaaaaging on. And I’m the one who does not like to go out. But my nails are horrific and my toe nails need to be done. I want to go to the beach. And now all those things that I don’t do I want to do because I can’t do them. Psychology is weird,

I have an appetite today and its my down day, Meaning I am not doing aerobics or killing myself to make my step goal. I could do it easily. But the warning is I’ll burn out. I’ve been doing aerobics twice a day and walking the dog for about a quarter of a mile. I’ve been meaning to make that a longer walk but you all know the story, my fucking PTSD kicks in, and I freeze. Some day soon I’m going to over come that. Dammit.

So the struggle today is to actually rest. Meditate. Get right in my head. Work on my writing a lot more today. (my daughter is singing in the background-wish you could hear her angelic voice). Nothing makes me feel better than her singing.

Anyways the other struggle will be not boredom eating. I’ve only got 800 calories left and it’s noon, My salad will have to be half a salad tonight, Yes I am now obsessed with calories and losing weight, Wish my scale worked. I asked Todd if we could buy one and he said no, so I bought one anyway. And I got yelled at like usual, but I knew it was coming so it didn’t hurt.

I'm losing faith in my Mexican Riviera Cruise. I think it will be cancelled. If not, I am totally going. Its worth the risk I think. At least for me. I’m desperate for some debauchery.

Staying busy is a challenge when you can’t leave the house. And staying not busy on purpose is the same struggle. And people THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. We are all in this together, Having my own face mask made, actually Todd’s friend is making them by hand so she’s making one for me and Todd and Abbie, This will make me feel better to go outside of my home.

I’m bored. I think I’m going to go curl my hair. Still practicing good hygiene even though I can’t have my nails or toes done. I can’t wait. My nails look like shit,

MY SAMI ON PATRO, FEELING THE PAIN.