Ups and Fucking Downs

Life is funny ha-ha funny. Some things we see or hear are just ridiculous, to easy to laugh at until you understand they mean it.

Anyway, just saying after I watch the news, that is what I'm left with.

So onto a different topic. I have been trying to lose weight for a while now and have been on Noom for almost 6 months. I lost 25 lbs but then I plateaued. Forever. So now I'm doing Keto and have seen a 5lb loss since starting on Monday. If I can get that same result everyday then it will become a lifestyle. Right now, I'm just wondering if it will work or not. I am very unhappy with my body being this big. I've weighed less and been pregnant.

So let us do a mental check, shall we?

Ok so I started last week with news from my brothers X-Wife that he had stolen my mothers bank card and her car and went on a 3 day high.

I broke hard. Because I cannot protect her. Especially from him. So deep depression sunk in and I was sleeping throughout the days and did not much else but dwell on it.

That's what I do. I dwell. I ruminate. I haven't been able to stop myself yet in any given situation. In any case, it hit me hard.

I texted my Doc right away because I knew crisis was looming. He called the police to file an elder-abuse case, because he is required by law to do so.

I was unable to get a hold of my mother or my brother, so I couldn't get the low-down.

As it turned out, my brother went out for a night because he could not handle his daughter and my mother anymore. No stealing of the card, no stealing of the car, no drugging out for days. Since, I've talked to my mother and my brother and found out that my brothers X-wife was being vindictive.

But that depression was so hard to beat, even after I knew my mother was ok. Then I was pissed for having to suffer for so long. The truth is I did it to myself. I have another appointment with my Doc today and maybe we can walk through why I reacted that way. I mean, I was down for days...

Much better over the last few days. I even lost 5 lbs.

Another chapter in the life of Annie


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Apologies

They neither come easy or free. I said some thing horrible to one of my best friends out of frustration and pain. I didn't regret it when I did it. It felt good, like it had been coming for a long tim