WHERE I AM THE DAY I TURN 50

Today is my birthday. I turn 50. It’s kind of weird. I still feel like i’m in my early 40’s. I guess time marches on, I feel like my eyes are closed. So much wasted time being mentally ill and not being brave enough to explore. I guess I’ve done better than I have in the past, what with flying in an airplane and going on a cruise, road trips don’t seem to be an issue anymore. Maybe this is the “Golden Age”. I still have a ton of plans, working hard to live long enough to enjoy them. If I didn’t smoke like a chimney, I’d feel better about it.

I still just like sitting here, writing. It’s all I want to do. Madeline Angel is coming along. I still have a lot of work to do towards the end of the middle to the end but the rest I’m kinda happy with. I will be posting some chapters under a new tab here soon. I’d love to get the critique, and feedback.

In another world, for my birthday I had my tattoo colored in, a present from my family. That shit aint cheap, and I added a pony. It has special meaning to me that I won’t go into here, Maybe someday, Todd set up a conference video call with all the kids which was fabulous. It’s always great to see them interact with each other, I so appreciated it. Yesterday my oldest daughter,Sarah, took me for a spa day and we got out toes done, It was magnificent, The hot tubs are on the top floor so you can see the whole bay from them. Then we dried off by the fire place. It could not have been better, I have great kids, I have a great family and I have a great group. But today being a little depressed I feel like I want or need more groups. I’ve been signing up for all the writing groups on instagram but what does that really get me? I’ve added friends on Facebook and got one guy in Vietnam and another looking for online dating. (I should update my picture with my fat face, that won’t happen again.). So i’m guessing I have to make more of an effort for that to happen, Like I have to go outside and shit, I think i’m ready for it. My depression tends to break in company of others, But I’m thinking of bars and things like that, We could always take dance classes together or something, Idk.

So this birthday passes with great memories and much appreciation from those who have thought about me today. Before and after tattoo below…